How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
