I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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