Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
