i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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