No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
