I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
