a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
