So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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