She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
