I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
