Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
