I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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