we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Girls should come with a carfax report
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
