were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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