theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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