So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
