Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
