I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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