i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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