My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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