Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
