after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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