Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
