Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
