I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
