my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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