you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
