Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
