Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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