You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
