I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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