he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
