The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
