I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
