i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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