I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
