Im at strip club and am horny
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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