Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
