I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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