4 words: hood of his car
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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