it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
