Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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