when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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