Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
