He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
