Just fell off a train. Bad.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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