My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
