I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
