I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
