after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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