where am i from again
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
