I think I can smell my own vagina right now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
