i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
