have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
