She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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