My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
