Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He kissed a someone with a penis
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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