do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
