rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
