Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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