I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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