oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
