WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
