I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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