my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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