I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled âfive times and I still havenât gotten offâ when he was still inside me ..
Said âdonât worry Iâll get myself off tomorrowâ to top it all off
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