Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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